


If I Don't Sleep I Can't Dream

by Nicolemoon8



Series: Irondad Comfortember 2020 [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Comfortember 2020, Forehead Kisses, Hurt/Comfort, Irondad, Minor Character Death, Minor Happy Hogan/May Parker (Spider-Man), Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Has a Bad Day, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Sleepy Cuddles, Sleepy Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Worried May Parker (Spider-Man), Worried Tony Stark, spiderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27423190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicolemoon8/pseuds/Nicolemoon8
Summary: In which a bad patrol leaves Peter thinking that if he avoids sleep he can avoid his problems. Unsurprisngly, four nights of no sleep leads to more problems. Having more and more people concerned about him only makes him feel worse, until it doesn't.COMFORTEMBER PROMPTS INCLUDED:6. Afraid to Sleep7. Blanket Fort8. Lashing Out9. Confession10. Crying
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Irondad Comfortember 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2007865
Comments: 9
Kudos: 105
Collections: Comfortember 2020





	1. Foolproof Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back lovelies! Thank you to everyone who read my previous (and first!) fic! I can assure you many squeals have been squealed in delight at each and every kudos and comment!
> 
> An off screen unamed character death does occur in this one, one mention of blood included but no violence described. Stay safe please and let me know if triggers/tags should be changed.

It had been four days since it happened. It had been just a regular patrol until it wasn’t.

“Ugh, stop thinking about it!” Peter sat upright in bed, tired, so tired of staring at the ceiling that too closely resembled a blank screen that his mind wouldn’t hesitate to fill with awful images. Those kinds of images were what had led Peter to his current fourth night of no sleep. Yup, the genius plan of “If I Don’t Sleep, I Can’t Dream” was in full swing.

In the spirit of this foolproof logic, Peter drug himself out of bed and over to his desk. At least the extra time awake afforded him the opportunity to not only finish his homework but work ahead a little even at his increasingly sluggish pace.

He wasn’t able to turn his room light on and risk May seeing him up, so instead he turned his desk lamp on to dim. He toyed with the thought of texting Ned to occupy his time but a glance at the clock told him it was 4:37am and his friend had already been harassing him to get better sleep. He knew Ned wasn’t the only one concerned. 

Mr. Harrington had stopped him after Physics and asked if everything was alright with him and May. He would have been touched at the concern his favorite teacher showed if he wasn’t already overwhelmed and upset with himself for apparently being so obvious. He had spent his second sleepless night trying to think of ways to hide his dark circles. He came to realize that make up companies got away with a lot of unfounded boasting.

Peter groaned again, too much down time meant too many spiraling thoughts. It was like his mind was made up of one long run on sentence. He banged his head against his textbooks, commiserating the thought of staying awake for another night, but knowing it would likely be just as bad to have more terror inducing nightmares. He peeked over at his clock, 4:48am. Well, it’s never too early to start your day right?

He quietly showered, got dressed, ignored the feeling of absolute fire in his tired eyes and grabbed a Super-infused protein bar. He smiled lightly at the memory of the lab day spent with Mr. Stark and thee Bruce Banner as they developed “Super” foods for Peter's metabolism. He then cringed, remembering how a certain chain of events had led to that day being necessary. Thankfully May entered the kitchen just as Peter finished up his breakfast bar, effectively cutting off his scrambled thoughts.

“Hey sweetie.”

“Hey May.” Peter mumbled and went to throw his breakfast wrapper away but missed the garbage. He closed his eyes out of frustration and was immediately assaulted with flashes of blood and the rooftop and whimpering. It took him a second to realize he was the one quietly making such despairing sounds. He was so beyond done with the day and the sun was only just rising. His eyes snapped open and sure enough May had approached where he was standing frozen by the kitchen garbage.

“Petey, honey, what’s wrong? Do you not feel good?” May asked as she pressed her hand against his forehead. It was obvious to her something had been going on with her nephew but she wasn’t sure what. “Has Flash been bothering you again? If he is, I really think you should let us- “

“No! May, just stop! I’m fine.” He ground his teeth together, irrational anger bubbled up against his skin.

“Hey, what’s going on? I want to help you sweetie. If you don’t feel up to school today, you more than deserve to take a day off.” She tried suggesting, hoping she could figure out something to fix the dullness that had seemed to completely engulf her kid's usual spirit.

Peter’s stomach churned. How could he possibly take the day off when, when other kids didn’t get to? When other kids didn’t get to live because he didn’t save them?

“I don’t have time for this, I’m gonna be late for first period.” He grabbed his jacket and pack hanging off the kitchen chair.

“Peter, no wait. Lets talk, I'll have Candice take my shift today.” She put her hand over Peter's arm, as she gently tried to stop his progression to the door.

Peter panicked as he flinched back from the touch, quickly tugging his arm away from May. It was like a switch was flicked. He suddenly felt empty, no thoughts, no energy, no patience left to give all while too much input was being thrown his way and he knew a single touch would push him completely over the edge.

The air in the apartment stilled. Both May and Peter looked at each other, ccmpletely frozen in the moment. One glance at May's heartbroken eyes had Peter escaping out the door before May could blink twice. The door slammed behind Peter as he started towards school. Too much strength, too little control he berated himself.

\----

The under lying feeling of exhaustion never left him throughout the day at school. He was at least hoping maybe it would lessen a little by being surrounded by so many people who actually had energy but no. It wasn’t the first time he had gone through a day of school and not been able to recall a single thing that had happened. He wasn’t new to zoning out; he had plenty of reasons over the years for sleepless nights but this time was different. This time he couldn’t sleep, couldn’t let himself sleep. He didn’t deserve to.

Peter's breath hitched at that realization. Stupid Peter, don’t think about it. The last school bell of the day screeched overhead. On auto-pilot, he grabbed his books and slugged his way outside. His breath hitched again for a completely different reason. He forgot to switch his lab day until after…after what he wasn’t sure, but he knew he wouldn’t survive Mr. Stark's inquisitiveness today. All it usually took was an eyebrow raise accompanied by softening eyes for Peter to completely spill his guts about anything.

Peter shook his head, only managing to make white spots appear momentarily in his vision, before settling on a brilliant plan of escape. He ducked down and tried to walk past the spot Happy was parked.

\-----

From his spot in the car, Happy rolled his eyes as he saw the doofus walk oddly past his window. He honked twice and watched as the kid jumped a bit too high for people without spider DNA. He eyed the kid as he stood still on the sidewalk before mumbling something as he got in the backseat.

Happy furrowed his brows after taking a quick glance at the kid through the mirror. He’d seen enough sleep deprived geniuses in his time to spot it immediately, however it wasn’t a look Peter usually sported. He pulled out from the busy school lot and started towards the Tower. The ride was an unusually quiet one which surprisingly worried Happy more.

“You doing okay back there?”

“M'fine.” 

The silence continued on.

“Want me to stop anywhere for some food quick before we get there?”

“No thanks.”

Another glance back saw Peter's head resting against the window, eyes half mast. Happy caught sight of a shiver passing through the boy and went to turn up the heat when he noticed it already set at 76 degrees. Not cold then.

They pulled into the underground garage and before Happy could turn around he was greeted with the backdoor already being closed. He looked out the passenger side window and sure enough the kid had already thrown his backpack on and was shuffling towards the elevator. His stomach gave an uneasy twinge and he wasn’t even all that sure why. Yeah the kid looked rough and maybe wasn’t at full capacity and was completely silent and okay yeah he's either going to text Tony or May. Thinking on it a moment he didn’t want to add any extra worry to the kid's aunt if it was something Tony could fix.

 **HapHog: 3:47PM:** Somethings up with the kid  
**Boss Man 3:47PM:** What do you mean? Whats wrong?  
**HapHog: 3:48PM:** You'll see in a sec, he’s on his way up. Kid didn’t even want food.  
**Boss Man 3:48PM:** Shit thanks for the heads up Hap

Happy shook his head. Okay he did his duty, he alerted one of two parental figures that will worry about the kid enough for all of them, not that he himself was worried of course. The kid'll be just fine. Maybe he'd swing by the apartment after May’s shift, just to catch up though.

\-----

Tony looked up as the glass reinforced door swung open and his lab was automatically placed into Spider-baby settings which included slightly dimmer lighting and all non-essential machinery being turned off to decrease the hum Peter had once commented on.

Even with Happy's notice ahead of time, he was slightly taken aback by just how terrible his kid looked. He'd seen the boy after an all-nighter here or there but this was something else altogether. Peter looked sickly, he was pale with bruises under his eyes and there were depressions now where what was left of his baby fat used to round out his cheeks. Tony's heart rate started running as quick as his thoughts. He would have been notified by Karen if the kid was injured right? Oh god what if he was sick?

“Hey Mr. Stark.” Yikes, that quietly mumbled greeting did nothing to slow the pounding in his chest. 

“Uh hey kid, how was school?”

“Fine.” Peter let his backpack slide from his shoulder down to the ground, lost in his thoughts of never having envied a backpack so much before.

Tony sat just staring at his kid who was staring at his bag on the floor. He clapped his hands and decided the lab was not the best place for an overtired person to be, especially when its his kid who’s the exhausted one. He walked over to Peter who worryingly was still zoned in on the backpack. 

“Um Pete,” He decided to bite the bullet and be as straightforward as possible, that’s what Pepper's always telling him to do at least, “you don’t look so great. How about we go upstairs, relax, maybe movie marathon our afternoon away?”

Peter's eyebrows furrowed slightly like he was processing the words and then slowly nodded. Tony threw his arm around him and led him up to the familiar penthouse.

Tony planted the kid firmly on a stool at the kitchen counter, the kid being easily maneuvered was another reason for worry, as was the near silence.

“You’re lookin' a little thin kid, what did you have for lunch?” He asked as he grabbed things to start making first dinner for Peter. Again, Peter's eyes scrunched in thought before quietly answering. 

“Not sure.” Tony momentarily stopped what he was doing to stare the kid down a bit.

“Kid, you've obviously lost weight. You need to be eating more than the three square, you know this. Have you run out of the Super food we made? Pete, you just gotta let us know when you need more, I have plenty around.”

Peter's hearing ebbed in and out during his mentor's rant but he didn’t particularly like the tone of being told what to do.

“I'm not stupid, I know when it runs out I'll need more.” Tony's eyebrows raised as he placed a plate of cut fruit slices in front of Peter to snack on.

“Pete, I know you’re not stupid, far from it. Whatever’s going on, I'm just trying to help.” Peter just shook his head, the newly familiar anger started sizzling again.

“Well you can’t! May can’t help, Ned can’t help and you can’t help! No one can help, I messed up too bad, okay? God why won’t everyone just leave me alone!?” The counter beneath Peter's hands started to crack. He stood wide-eyed across from Mr. Stark, almost completely out of breath. He wasn’t sure what to do next and by the looks of it neither did his mentor.

Tony took everything in for a second before turning around to turn the stovetop off. He slowly rounded the kitchen island, making sure he was in sight for his kid the whole time. He lightly placed his own worn hand atop of one of Peter's balled fists. He gently rubbed his thumb over the smaller less blemished knuckles.

“Pete. Peter. C’mon buddy, look at me please.” With his free hand he gently turned the boy's chin towards him. He smiled when Peter caught his soft gaze on him. “Hi honey.”

“Hi.” Peter's tense shoulders relaxed like his strings had been cut.

“Let's go over to the couch.” Tony again wrapped his arm around the kid's shoulders, trying to project as much comfort and calmness as possible. They sat in their go to movie night position, Peter tucked against Mr. Stark's chest with the latter's arm still embracing him. “Are you safe to tell me what’s going on in that brilliant head of yours bud?”

There were a few minutes of silence as Peter tried collecting his sloppy thoughts, all of which seemed to be running at different speeds.

“A girl died.” He whispered, saying it out loud for the first time since it happened four, almost five days ago. He noticed Mr. Stark’s arm tighten around him which only made him crumble more. Tears leaked out of his closed eyes. “I…uh I tried to save her. We talked a little bit but… God she. And there was, was so much blood.” He couldn’t keep the sobs in anymore, they tore from his throat, heart wrenching sounds.

“Shh, Petey. Its okay. You’re okay.” Tony reassured him, both arms now firmly around this boy, his son. His hand drifted towards the head of curls, pulling it to his chest protectively. His fingers lazily scratched against the curls as he shushed Peter through the worst of his sobs. 

“Oh Peter, it wasn’t your fault you hear me? It wasn’t your fault. If I know one thing its that you tried. I know you did buddy.” He cooed as the cries quieted to sniffling and the occasional hiccup. If Tony wasn’t so worried, he would have commented on how damn precious the kid looked with his bright eyes peeking up from where he rested on his chest.

“There you are. I bet that felt pretty good to get out huh?”

Peter nodded, too tired to be embarrassed that he not only lost his temper, broke his mentor's? Father figure’s? countertop but then proceeded to soak the man's shirt through with tears and dare he say drool.

“When was the last time you slept Pete?” Tony asked as he brushed some curls off the kid’s forehead. He smiled as Peter leaned into the touch, head tilting like a puppy, as he followed the warmth of the hand.

“Wa day is it?” 

“…Thursday.”

“Oofta.”

“Wait did you just say ‘oofta'? Like out loud? What are you an old Norwegian lady?” Tony chuckled, his chest eased a little at seeing a bit of personality back in the kid.

“Maybe.”

“Mhmm. Try again.”

“I don’t know, Sunday?” Peter mumbled, face smushed against Tony's shoulder. Sleep was finally pulling him down, or rather, he was finally letting it. And honestly, was there a better place to nap than on his sorta dad?

“Geez kid, you trying to give me more grey hair or what? I think you purposely like stressing me out, is that it? Is this payback for acting this way to Pepper and Rhodey?”

“Uncle Rhodey says ’m karmic justice.”

Tony nearly choked on thin air at the new moniker. He definitely thought of Peter as his kid and Rhodey was his brother but he never heard the comfortable title used before. He'd be lying if he said he didn’t love it. He looked down as Peter sleepily patted his chest.

“You ‘kay? Heart skipped.”

Tony simply melted. Warmth rushed through him as be brushed his lips against the crown of Peter's curls, holding still to breathe the moment in.

“I'm fine buddy. I have you.”

“An' Pepper.”

“And Pep, of course.”

“And Happy.”

“Can’t forget Forehead of Security.”

“Mhmm. And Unc'e Rhodey.” Tony's chest bubbled with laughter again at the name.

“Yup, him too. They’re family Pete, just like you are.” He reminded the boy, voice so tender he's not sure he's ever heard himself sound like it before. “Get some rest, bud. Everything will look better after a good sleep.”

Peter hummed softly before his snores filled the living room.


	2. Foolproof Solution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said earlier, from the middle of this story it had a mind of it's own! Originally the blanket fort came in sooner but I felt like the tone didn't match it, hence a follow up. Enjoy the much lighter but shorter chappie!

After getting more sleep than he had in weeks, even before this all started, Peter found himself in his pajamas lounging in the Tower living room Saturday night. It was unanimously agreed that Peter take Friday off school which allowed him time to rest but also to have some serious talks with both May and Mr. Stark. They discussed the incident from patrol, his lack of self care and yes Mr. Stark, maybe self preservation too. There were more tears and apologies and so so many protein bars and shakes shoved his way to get his lost weight back.

Peter wondered if the past week had anything to do with why his Spidey Sense kept quiet now as he was nailed in the face with a pillow. He squawked as he pushed the bean pillow off the couch where he was laying. He whipped his head around at the snickering behind him.

“Not cool, Mr. Stark.”

“You snooze you lose, literally.”

“Excuse you, I was not snoozing. I’ve done so much snoozing the last couple of days it’ll last me forever!”

“Hey.” Mr. Stark lightly reprimanded as he dragged a blanket full of pillows over to the couch.

“Kidding, just kidding.” Peter sat more upright now. “Watcha doing?”

“Wrong question, Underoos. Its ‘what are we doing?’.”

“Uh huh, what are we doing then?” Mr. Stark retreated back into the hallway. Peter was just about to get up in case he was supposed to follow when the man came back into sight with a blanket filled with half folded blankets atop it.

“Should be pretty obvious to your four year old mind, I’d think.” Mr. Stark’s eyes had a mischievous brightness to them that had replaced the prominent concern they’d been displaying the last few days. It only took a second for Peter to figure it out and even less time for the eagerness to awaken.

“Blanket fort!” Peter's arms raised towards the ceiling in excitement, only to lower a couple seconds later as his eyes narrowed on his mentor turned father. “Is this just your way to keep me contained and lazy the rest of the weekend?”

“What if I threw in free cuddles?”

“You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Stark. It’s a deal!”

“Good. You go get your webs and we'll start engineering the best fort this side of the sun.”

Peter jumped over the couch and was about halfway down the hall when he heard Mr. Stark call out behind him.

“Hey, maybe if we can’t figure the fort out we could ask Uncle Rhodey for help.” Tony could see Peter's face turn bright red all the way from his spot by the couch. He burst out laughing as Peter turned and ran the rest of the way to his room.

God he loved that kid.

**Author's Note:**

> This one fought me a little at the start but woosh had a mind of its own and halfway through it basically wrote itself! A good distraction from the world going on out there! Let me know which parts you liked or didnt!
> 
> Feel free to check out my tumblr @ zanderLjones.
> 
> Please stay safe and healthy friends!


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